


golden catfish, king catfish

by unsungillumination



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: (sorry for the change im the worst), Catfishing AU, M/M, former title: 'lucian catfish king catfish', i don't know if that's a thing but you know what it is now, online friends au, this is not a 'holy shit gender reveal' fic btw do not fear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 23:42:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11279220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsungillumination/pseuds/unsungillumination
Summary: from the ages of 14-17, noctis had an online girlfriend on a popular mmorpg, and it’s great, and they’re happy…exceptthat it’s maybe not actually a girlfriend, because prompto argentum is maybe not actually a girl, and now that he’s realised he’s accidentally catfished theprince of lucisfor three years he’s mildly freaking out.





	golden catfish, king catfish

**Author's Note:**

> **DISCLAIMER: this is a work of fiction. i’m not endorsing catfishing. don’t catfish people.**  
>  also, heads up - there are a lot of chat logs in this fic! i’d recommend glancing at the timestamps where they appear, because there are sometimes little time gaps between messages that kind of give you more of an indication of what’s going on outside the chat. :]  
>  **eta:** i totally forgot to mention this! prompto's parents in this fic, hyacinth and almeta, belong to the incredible [green_piggy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/green_piggy). they appear in her wonderfully heartbreaking prompto/ignis bodyswap fic ["your place in the family of things"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10760094), which i'm shamelessly promoting because she doesn't want me to.

> **NoxX:** cmon just say okay
> 
> **NoxX:** i really wanna meet you

   Prompto stared at the screen, his stomach sinking. He should have seen this coming – but he’d _never thought_ it would _ever_ get this far – he’d never _meant_ for it to come this far – and how could he have anticipated this? There was nobody in his _real_ world who’d ever cared enough for his attention to ask after it. Let alone someone like – _him_.

> **xXchocobaby83** : idk, i don’t think thats a good idea
> 
> **NoxX:** how come? i like you. i thought itd be cool

   Prompto buried his face in his hands. _He likes me._

   Then he shook his head. No – that was wrong, wasn’t it? Nox didn’t like _him_ – he liked xXchocobaby83, and that – _she_ – wasn’t any more Prompto now than she had been five years ago when he’d first made her up.

   His little avatar bobbed happily on the screen as NoxX ran impatient circles around her. _She_ didn’t have anything to worry about. She was Level 284 and the leader of a guild. A _guild_.

   His companion was typing again. A speech bubble popped up in the chat box. A panic bubble popped up in Prompto’s brain.

> **NoxX:** please?

   Prompto gazed hopelessly at the message.

   There was nothing to even _consider_. There was absolutely no way he could say yes, no way they could meet. xXchocobaby83 was a sharp, confident, beautiful warlord with a silver crossbow and gold-rank magic and – and – and _boobs_.

   Prompto Argentum, on the other hand, was a gangly seventeen year old boy, a Level 68 Idiot, and a _first-class mess._ They weren’t comparable in the slightest, no more than you might compare a stack of diamonds to a pile of on-fire turnips. He hadn’t started this account with the intention of playing anyone for a fool, had never meant for this ridiculous façade to have such an impact, but... Well, sometimes things just _happened_ , and he’d let them go too far. No amount of kicking himself now would send him flying back those four years into the past to fix his mistake.

   And now, if he were found out… Prompto would be ruined, and more importantly, Nox would be heartbroken.

   _Why wasn’t he typing?_ All he had to write was “no”. That was all! That was _all_ he had to do! It really couldn’t be simpler – there was no decision to be made, there was no compromise that could be reached, there was _absolutely no way_ he could give _any_ other answer. Even if Nox _was_ the single most wonderful, amazing person he’d ever met in his life. Even if his “please?” melted Prompto easily enough that he’d happily handed over almost half his accumulated wealth when Nox had only asked to borrow a mere two hundred gold for in-game fishing gear. Even if it meant the end of an almost four-year relationship – a relationship that had meant more to Prompto than any he’d ever had.

   ‘Relationship.’ All this time and he still blushed at the word, which was stupid. _He_ was still hopelessly single. It was NoxX and xXchocobaby83 who had been together all this time, and Prompto _wasn’t her_.

> **NoxX:** u there?
> 
> **xXchocobaby83** : yeah sorry
> 
> **NoxX:** its ok
> 
> **NoxX** : are you upset?
> 
> **xXchocobaby83** : no!!! ur okay im sorry
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** i just
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** i dont think ur gonna like me irl
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** haha
> 
> **NoxX:** why not??
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** idk
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** sorry
> 
> **NoxX:** its ok
> 
> **NoxX:** we dont have to if u don’t want to
> 
> **NoxX:** its not like im gonna stop talking to u if we don’t or anything like im not gonna make you
> 
> **NoxX:** i just wanna see you thats all i really like you
> 
> **NoxX:** and idk why you think i wouldnt like you irl
> 
> **NoxX:** theres no way i wouldnt
> 
> **NoxX:** even if ur actually 3 goblins in a trenchcoat :]

   _He’s kidding. Don’t do this. Don’t_ do _this. This is impossible. Just say no. Just type “no”. It’s easy. It’s so easy._

> **NoxX:** please?
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** okay.

   _Idiocy level up! Con-KWEH-tulations!_

_+1 Accessory: Forehead Bruise from Smacking Face On Desk In Self-Disgust_

_+10 Intense Panic and Mortal Terror (In Bag: x3290)_

_Gained ability to Leap Out Window In Terror And Shame_

_+420 XP_

_Voice line unlocked: “You’re freakin’ doomed, bro!”_

 

* * *

 

_13 years old_

 

   Prompto fidgeted, refusing to look away from his mother’s feet.

   “Are you going to explain yourself?”

   Feet were fascinating, weren’t they? These ones were wearing _socks_. It was amazing. He should spend some more time studying them right now, for the sake of science.

   His scientific observations informed him that the feet were tapping impatiently, and it was, scientifically speaking, terrifying. “Answer me,” she said, and he finally looked up.

   “I’m sorry,” he squeaked.

   She sighed.

   “I’m very disappointed that you went behind our backs,” she said, twisting her lips in disapproval. “You know you’re not to sign up for anything without permission.”

   “I’m sorry,” said Prompto again. “I’m sorry – I just – I thought – I thought you’d say no.”

   His mother frowned. “So you went ahead and did it anyway?”

   “I just really wanted to join,” Prompto burst out, well-aware that this display was not helping his case in the slightest. “I really wanted to! My whole class is playing this game and, well, one of my classmates let me have a go on her account and I really liked it and I – I was _really good at it_ , Mom! I was really…” He faltered. “I mean,” he mumbled, “you know. For me, anyway _._ ”

   His mother looked at him a little strangely. “What does that mean?” she asked, and Prompto went back to fidgeting. “Prompto?”

   “I’m sorry,” he said softly, staring at his own feet now. “I’ll delete the account. I’m sorry I used your email.”

   She didn’t say anything for a long moment. At last, she sighed, and Prompto finally dared to sneak a peek at her face. Her eyes were softer than before.

   “You don’t have to delete it,” she said in a resigned voice. “Just – next time, ask me for permission first, okay?”

   Prompto’s head shot up. “ _Really?_ ”

   “Don’t tell your mother,” she warned. “She wouldn’t take kindly.”

   “You – you want me to lie to her?”

   “You lied to _me_ ,” she pointed out, and he wilted. She softened again. “Oh, all right. Just this once, I’ll let it go. And don’t tell Almeta.”

   “I won’t,” Prompto promised, and bounced a little on his toes before he could stop himself. “Th-thank you!” He hesitated, raising his arms. “Can – May I -?”

   “Go on, then,” she said wearily, and he flung his arms around her waist with a happy squeak.

 

* * *

 

   Prompto scowled at the character creation screen. Something wasn’t right.

   Like, sure, he looked _super cool_. That was undeniable. His character wielded a huge battle axe – only wooden, since he was just starting out, but still inarguably awesome. His hair was close-cropped and spiky, and his face was rugged and battle-scarred. Where he’d _gotten_ these scars, Prompto didn’t know; after all, the guy wouldn’t even officially have been _born_ until Prompto clicked ‘Proceed’ – but they still looked _really freaking neat_. His expression was terrifying: all bared teeth and glaring eyes, and he stood with a wide, lumbering stance that told Prompto he had too many muscles to know what to do with. Also, his skin was blue. Prompto’s brain had informed him with some authority that this was a quality aesthetic decision.

   It was more badass than _anything_ of Prompto’s had ever looked in his life. It was – he looked at the clock – the culmination of a full hour and a half of his life.

   He didn’t like it. He moved his cursor decisively to the ‘Reset’ button. But now the default male model stared blankly back at him, and that didn’t feel any more appealing than it had before.

   Hesitantly, Prompto shifted to hover over the ‘Female’ option.

   Could he _do_ that? It felt like a lie; he wasn’t female, after all, and had never felt like he ought to be. But the other day, on his classmate’s account – her character had been an archer; graceful, and elven, and deadly. With her, Prompto had taken out three in-line enemies with one arrow and twirled his skirt over their dying bodies as he cheerfully looted their gold, and it might have marked the single greatest achievement of his life.

   His classmate hadn’t liked her character and had confided in him that she planned to remake, but Prompto had seldom felt so at ease as he had with her. A character who so blatantly contradicted his true identity had felt, in some strange way, like a respite; like taking a break from the full-time job of being himself.  And it was a break he needed. Truth be told, he wasn’t always the biggest fan of this particular job. It didn’t even have dental.

   A lie, then. Perhaps. But who was to know the truth? His username was relatively androgynous, he thought – and wasn’t it just the perfect combination of cute and edgy?! – and not everyone in the class knew everyone else’s usernames, anyway. After all, on the Internet, nobody knew you were a loser.

   He clicked ‘Female’ and started from scratch.

 

* * *

 

  **LOADING…**

 

> **FUN FACT!** Prompto Argentum has never been popular, funny, attractive, or cool. Prompto Argentum, in fact, has never been good at anything.
> 
> But he’s good at this.
> 
> It’s amazing how quickly ~~he~~ **xXchocobaby83** rises through the ranks. It’s amazing how many people suddenly want to be ~~his~~ **her** friend.
> 
> It’s amazing how quickly **he’ll** destroy it all.

 

* * *

 

  **[VICTORY!]**

  

> **xXchocobaby83:** eyyyyyy!!!
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** @NoxX thx for heals!!
> 
> You have entered a private conversation with [NoxX].
> 
> **NoxX:** no prob
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** nice name lmao
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** xX twinz!! ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆
> 
> **NoxX:** thanks u too
> 
> **NoxX:** ☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆
> 
> **NoxX:** how did u get that face?
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** found it online!!
> 
> **NoxX:** thats so cool
> 
> **NoxX:** wanna add? ur really good at this
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** aww thx OK!! ☆ ～('▽^人)
> 
> Added [NoxX] as friend!
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** ur really good too!!!
> 
> **NoxX:** thanks :]
> 
> **NoxX:** i just started playing yesterday
> 
> **NoxX:** dont really know what im doing yet
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** want me to show u the ropes? lmao
> 
> **NoxX:** thatd be good
> 
> **NoxX:** if u don’t mind
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** course not!! welcome 2 the game
> 
> **NoxX:** :]
> 
> **NoxX:** cool avatar
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** u 2!!

 

* * *

 

 [NoxX] is online!

 

> **xXchocobaby83:** heyy!
> 
> **NoxX:** hey
> 
> **NoxX:** :]
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** duuuude i am so glad 2 c u ive been stuck playin with noobs
> 
> **NoxX:** i mean im kindof a noob too
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** NAHH its been like 2 weeks dude ur good
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** if ur a noob ur the best noob
> 
> **NoxX:** the boob
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** LMAO
> 
> **NoxX:** (o´ ▽ `o)
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** wanna do a mission?
> 
> **NoxX:** sure
> 
> **NoxX:** hey so
> 
> **NoxX:** what should i call u
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** what? lmao
> 
> **NoxX:** like idk ur name and xxchocobaby83 is 2 hard to type
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** oh uhh
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** i guess
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** prom?
> 
> **NoxX:** is that ur name??
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** not my real one
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** sorryy
> 
> **NoxX:** nah its ok prom’s good
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** wbu?
> 
> **NoxX:** nox i guess?
> 
> **NoxX:** that’s not my real name either :]
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** swurt dude were like secret agent spies
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** savin the world one alias at a time!!
> 
> **NoxX:** ‘secret agent spies’
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** SHUT UPPPPP lets just go do the mission!!
> 
> **NoxX:** haha ok
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** (*/A ＼ ) don’t make fun of me
> 
> **NoxX:** im not
> 
> **NoxX:** it was cute
> 
> **NoxX:** what mission do u wanna do
> 
> **NoxX:** prom?
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** sry sry im still hereee lets do the cav e we saw last time
> 
> **NoxX:** kk

 

* * *

 

_14 years old_

 

   Prompto’s parents were always telling him that he spent too much time staring at his computer screen. A full year on, now, from when he’d first signed up to the game – and he was maybe starting to agree with them. But maybe not for _quite_ the same reasons.

   He stared at the screen.

> **NoxX:** i have something to tell u

   Never, in the History of Anxiety, had this sentence ever prefaced anything that hadn’t made his stomach churn horribly. Already Prompto’s brain was helpfully cataloguing the millions of things that could be going wrong and asking if he’d like them categorised alphabetically or chronologically.

   Nox had discovered his secret, and hated him for lying. Nox _hadn’t_ discovered his secret, but hated him anyway, for some irrelevant but equally valid reason (goodness knew there were plenty). Nox _didn’t_ hate him, but was swearing off gaming in favour of an _Amish lifestyle or something_ and Prompto would never see him again. Nox had finally realised that Prompto wasn’t worth bothering with, and was abandoning him in favour of his millions of other, much cooler friends –

> **xXchocobaby83:** is it ‘wow prom ur the best gamer in the whole world’ bc i totally know that already  <( ￣ ︶ ￣ )>

_Achievement Unlocked! SELF-REFLECTION DEFLECTION: Divert 10 uncomfortable emotional situations with bad jokes._

> **NoxX:** u WISH :’]
> 
> **NoxX:** nah its not abt the game
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** oo real talk alert, ok shoot
> 
> **NoxX:** okay
> 
> **NoxX:** here goes?
> 
> **NoxX:** i really like you prom

   Stop.

   Rewind.

> **NoxX:** i really like you prom

   Stop. Rewind.

> **NoxX:** i really like you prom

   Sto– Prompto’s brain froze into a mass of pixels and no amount of frantic fast-forwarding was bringing clear cognitive function back into view.

   This… might be the most cryptic message he’d ever received.

   Like, _yeah_ , it looked pretty straightforward. ‘I like you.’ How many things could that possibly mean? ‘I appreciate you as a person.’ ‘I enjoy your company.’ ‘You have more gold than me and I ran out of fishing money again so I’m trying to butter you up to give me some more please and thank you.’

   ‘I have a crush on you.’ No. ‘I’d like to date you.’ _No_. He shook his head and quickly dismissed the thoughts. Impossibilities, non-options – at least, they were for _him_ , because there was no way _anyone_ , let alone someone like… like _him_ …

   Prompto gazed at Nox’s avatar, with his shaggy black hair and the dual-swords that more often than not went abandoned in favour of the healing staves. The little bobbing pixel figure that had come too easily to synonymy with the feeling of bubbling happiness in Prompto’s chest.

> **xXchocobaby83:** ?? what do u mean lol
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** i like u too??

   _Don’t hope, don't you dare..._

> **NoxX:** i mean i like u like. i like u like u

   No. That didn’t mean what it looked like it meant. There was no way. Prompto mentally took out a club and bashed down his rising hopes with a desperate vengeance.

> **NoxX:** like
> 
> **NoxX:** i have a crush on u
> 
> **NoxX:** i guess

_ELIMINATED BY: Best Friend Confessing His Love For Me_

_*ELIMINATED BY: Best Friend Confessing His Love For [REDACTED]_

_*ELIMINATED BY: Best Friend Confessing His Love For [ The Person He Thinks I Am]_

   This was it. This was the End Of Times. This was the moment it all came crashing down. The best year of his life, brought to a crushing end by _this_. Shattered to pieces on the floor with words that he’d – that he’d… desperately wanted to hear. That he’d even more desperately tried to stop himself from wanting to hear, because this was _impossible_.

   Prompto took a deep breath. His hands hovered over the keyboard, ready to confess the truth.

> **xXchocobaby83:** are u serious??

   _Right_ after he clarified, because, you know, those words were still pretty ambiguous, right? ‘I have a crush on you’ could mean anything. Maybe Nox wanted to, like, crush him with a giant cinderblock. Nope, that was worse. Probably.

> **NoxX:** yeah
> 
> **NoxX:** sorry
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** dude wtf why are u sorry
> 
> **NoxX:** idk
> 
> **NoxX:** i don’t wanna like, make this weird
> 
> **NoxX:** i wasnt gonna tell u at first cos im really glad we’re friends
> 
> **NoxX:** but i just really like u a lot and idk
> 
> **NoxX:** i was wondering if u wanted to be my gf i guess

_ELIMINATED BY: F*CK. OH MY GOD. F*******CK_

> **NoxX:** are you mad? i’m sorry
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** no no!! of course not
> 
> **NoxX:** im really sorry
> 
> **NoxX:** i messed us up didn’t i
> 
> **NoxX:** im sorry can we forget this happened and just go back

   No, no no no no no, this was bad, this was really bad. Prompto let his head fall to the desk, eyes squeezed shut, silently cursing himself out. This was _it_ , this was the _proof_ that he never should have started this whole business or he’d end up _hurting someone_ – Noct was already upset and he hadn’t even _said_ anything yet –

> **xXchocobaby83:** nononono im sorry im not upset i swear dont be sorry
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** man i
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** im kinda in shock tbh
> 
> **NoxX:** i know its out of nowhere
> 
> **NoxX:** i just really wanted you to know
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** thx for telling me like im uhh
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** i bet it wasn’t easy ur really brave

Prompto covered his face with his hands. _‘You’re really brave’?!_ _Who am I, a PARENT? Oh my GOD shut UP SHUT UP just STOP TALKING make an excuse GO OFFLINE –_

> **NoxX:** u sure ur not upset?

   Prompto scrambled to reply immediately.

> **xXchocobaby83:** no way dude
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** i just kinda cant believe it like r u sure???
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** im like
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** crazy flattered tbh lmao
> 
> **NoxX:** :]
> 
> **NoxX:** so uh.. u didnt answer my question

Question? Prompto frowned. He scrolled up a little, squinting at the –

   Oh.

   Oh, dear.

> **xXchocobaby83:** you
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** you really want me to be ur gf??
> 
> **NoxX:** i mean
> 
> **NoxX:** only if you want to
> 
> **NoxX:** then yeah i do

_FATAL ERROR: Prompto.exe has stopped functioning. End the program, and also his miserable terrible existence? **[YES]** [ALSO YES]_

   Alright, this was going too far. This was even more too far than the too far it had been going five minutes ago. Which was, in turn, more too far than the too far it had been going for the past year and _oh god_ , he was _really going too far_ , this was a _disaster_ , there was no choice, he had to _confess_ –

> **xXchocobaby83:** i really like you too

   _GAMER TIP! Not THAT kind of confession! You idiot! You absolute moron! Oh my god! Oh! My god!_

> **NoxX:** wait really?
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** yeah
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

   Was his brain even in control of his hands anymore?! It seemed his fingers were typing away of their own accord, betraying the sole voice of reason in his head which was screaming so loudly that it seemed zero-point-two seconds away from losing _itself_.

   And while his fingers were busy betraying his brain, his bright pink cheeks were betraying his pounding heart, and –

_The server [PROMPTO] has crashed! If the problem is not resolved in five minutes, please contact the administrators and ask them to slap me in the face repeatedly with a fish._

> **NoxX:** man im glad to hear that
> 
> **NoxX:** haha
> 
> **NoxX:** soo
> 
> **NoxX:** DO u wanna be my gf? :]

_No. No, I can’t be your girlfriend, because I’m not who you think I am, and I’m not even a_ freaking girl _, and our entire friendship is one big giant lie and I don’t have a choice except to break your heart right now or else we’d have a relationship based on the Lie Friendship™ and I can’t be selfish, or at least I can’t be more selfish than I’ve already been, and I can’t be selfish_ this time _the way I’ve been selfish for the past year because I care about you too much to let you hurt yourself over me and –_

> **xXchocobaby83:** i’d love to
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** <3

_INBOX (1) Prompto’s Brain said: <(ur the literal worst lmao time to launch into the sun)_

* * *

 

_15 years old_

 

**th3 d4rk 3dg3l0rd wh0 is un1r0n1c411y 3m0** [online]

 

[10:32AM] **th3 d4rk 3dg3l0rd wh0 is un1r0n1c411y 3m0:** cmon just tell me like one thing abt u

[10:32AM] **th3 d4rk 3dg3l0rd wh0 is un1r0n1c411y 3m0:** what color is ur hair

[10:33AM] **i do NOT have a FREAKING FOOT FETISH:** dude im in class

[10:33AM] **i do NOT have a FREAKING FOOT FETISH:** i have to pay attention shut up

[10:33AM] **th3 d4rk 3dg3l0rd wh0 is un1r0n1c411y 3m0:** god ur such a freaking nerd

[10:34AM] **i do NOT have a FREAKING FOOT FETISH:** _ヽ_ _(`_ _⌒_ _´_ _メ_ _)_ _ノ_ shuuush

[10:34AM] **i do NOT have a FREAKING FOOT FETISH:** i’ll ttylll

[10:35AM] **i do NOT have a FREAKING FOOT FETISH:** <3

[10:35AM] **th3 d4rk 3dg3l0rd wh0 is un1r0n1c411y 3m0:** see you later

[10:35AM] **th3 d4rk 3dg3l0rd wh0 is un1r0n1c411y 3m0:** love you

 

* * *

 

**the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** [online]

 

[1:11AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : why wont u play 20 questions with me

[1:11AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : what kind of relationship is this prom

[1:12AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** o m g _20 questions_ r u srs

[1:12AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** this is a slippery slope nox ur becoming

[1:13AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** _a straight white boy_

[1:14AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : a slippery slope??

[1:14AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** YEAH?? first step is 20 questions,

[1:15AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : first step? haha and then what ;)

**I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH** has left.

**the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** added **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH**.

[1:18AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : come back i love you

[1:19AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** im breaking up with u oh my gOD

[1:19AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : :[ y wont u accept me for who i am

[1:19AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : i accepted ur foot fetish

[1:21AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** im gonna leave again

[1:21AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : ill never leave u prom

[1:22AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : warts and all

**I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH** has left.

**the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** added **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH**.

[1:24AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : stop leaving i hate having to type foot fetish

[1:24AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** _then stop accusing me of having one_

[1:25AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : if u answer one question about urself ill stop saying u have a foot fetish

[1:26AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** _this is blackmail_

[1:26AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : i thought i was a straight white-male

[1:27AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:**

[1:27AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : don’t blank me tthat was funny

[1:28AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : besides its not my fault

[1:28AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : u haven’t told me anything about urself i have to make assumptions

[1:28AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** why would u assume i had a _foot fetish_ of _all things_

[1:29AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : this is a shame free zone

[1:29AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : cmon just 1 question

[1:31AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : please prom?

[1:34AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** ugh f i n e MAYBE but it depends what the question is

[1:34AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time** : ｡ﾟ( ﾟ^∀^ﾟ)ﾟ｡

[1:34AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** ok i better make this count

[1:37AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** hurry upppppp

[1:37AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** don’t rush me im making history

[1:38AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** ok

[1:39AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** do u look like ur avatar irl

[1:45AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** prom??

[1:47AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** sorryyy

[1:47AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** im here

[1:48AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** uhhhh

[1:50AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** not at all

[1:51AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** lmao

[1:53AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** whats different?

[1:55AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** uhh i guess

[1:56AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** im blond?? my hair is short??

[1:57AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** wow guess we have to break up

[1:58AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** i was only dating u for ur hair

[1:59AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** _im heartbroken_

[2:00AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** what can i say i have a thing for redheaded Rapunzel types

[2:01AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** do u have freckles??

[2:03AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** dude u said 1 question

[2:04AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** pleeeease

[2:06AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** bleehh fiiine yea i have freckles lmao

[2:06AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** that’s cute

[2:08AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** (*/▽＼*)

[2:08AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** stooopppp

[2:08AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** ok enough about me lmao WBU do u look like ur avvie

[2:10AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** i guess

[2:10AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** i mean i have black hair??

[2:10AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** do u wield dual swords and healing staves

[2:11AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** no :[

[2:11AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** wow relationship over??

[2:11AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** nooooooo

[2:12AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** :’[

[2:12AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** jk jkkkkk

[2:13AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** u know i love u!!

[2:13AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** love u 2

[2:14AM] **the best and most romantic boyfriend ever of all time:** (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡

[2:15AM] **I STILL DON’T HAVE A FOOT FETISH:** (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

 

* * *

 

_16 years old_

 

**n0x r0x** [online]

 

[9:12AM] **n0x r0x:** what does prom stand for

[9:20AM] **n0x r0x:** don’t tell me ur in class again u loser

[9:22AM] **n0x r0x:** u know when u turn 16 like me ull start to realise there are more important things in life than class

[9:22AM] **n0x r0x:** like being with ur loved ones who are crying bc theyre being ignored

[9:25AM] **n0x sux:** _I AM 16_ and obviously im in class go away

[9:25AM] **n0x r0x:** :[

[9:25AM] **n0x r0x:** what does it stand forrrrrrr

[9:31AM] **n0x sux** : Prometheus

[9:31AM] **n0x r0x:** no

[9:32AM] **n0x r0x:** prom

[9:32AM] **n0x r0x:** no way

[9:34AM] **n0x r0x:** prom no fucking way

[9:35AM] **n0x r0x:** COME BACK PROMETHEUS

[9:36AM] **n0x sux** : STOP MESSAGING ME IM IN CLASS

[9:36AM] **n0x r0x** : there are worse things than being messaged by ur bf

[9:36AM] **n0x r0x** : like having ur liver pecked out eternally by an eagle

[9:37AM] **n0x sux** : im going to block u

[9:37AM] **n0x r0x** : u brought fire to the earth

[9:37AM] **n0x r0x** : and 2 my heart

[9:38AM] **n0x r0x** : because ur so hot

[9:38AM] **n0x r0x** : geddit

[9:40AM] **n0x sux** :

[9:40AM] **n0x sux** : where is this eagle when u need it

[9:41AM] **n0x r0x** : _my liver is whole_

[9:41AM] **n0x r0x** : _but my heart is in pieces_

 

* * *

 

**i could be** [online]

 

[9:23PM] **i could be:** where do u live

[9:23PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** oh hi there _boyfriend_ , thanks for that not at all creepy message out of total nowhere

[9:24PM] **i could be:** i need to send u flowers

[9:24PM] **i could be:** u got me out of a crisis today

[9:24PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** what happened r u ok??

[9:24PM] **i could be:** someone asked me to hang out and i didn’t want to

[9:25PM] **i could be:** so i panicked and said i had plans with my gf

[9:25PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** oh my god

[9:25PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** none of ur friends know me did they even believe u have a gf

[9:26PM] **i could be:** iiii showed them the valentine u made

[9:26PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** _that was private_

[9:26PM] **i could be:** none of _them_ seemed to think im as kawaii-desu-desu as shrek-kun-chan-senpai but they did laugh so hard they forgot to ask questions so thanks

[9:27PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** _i send u my ironic memes in confidence_

[9:27PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** this is the worst betrayal since judas

[9:28PM] **i could be:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

[9:28PM] **i could be:** anyway where do u live i need to send u flowers

[9:29PM] **i could be:** u know who likes flowers

[9:29PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** if u say anything about the bee movie im literally breaking up with u right now

[9:29PM] **i could be:** didn’t need to

[9:30PM] **i could be:** u finish all my sentences for me

[9:30PM] **i could be:** love u babe  <3

[9:32PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** this bonquet better be freaking amazing to make up for all the shit i put up with

[9:32PM] **i could be:** bonquet

[9:33PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** _im not french shut up_

[9:33PM] **i could be:** ill have an amazing french feast delivered to ur door

[9:34PM] **i could be:** a bon banquet if u will

**im not fucking prometheus** has left.

**i could be** added **im not fucking prometheus**.

[9:36PM] **i could be:** WHERE DO U LIVE

[9:38PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** in a capital that’s all ur getting

[9:38PM] **i could be:** oh hey me too

[9:39PM] **i could be:** im from insomnia

[9:40PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** oh hey same

[9:41PM] **i could be:** serious??? hey i could really send u flowers

[9:41PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** dude insomnia is huge i could be anyone

[9:42PM] **i could be:** ill send flowers to every insomnian citizen

[9:43PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** oh my god

[9:43PM] **i could be:** oh i have to go

[9:43PM] **i could be:** ill talk to you later prom love you

[9:44PM] **im not fucking prometheus:** love you tooooo  <3 byee

 

* * *

 

_17 years old_

 

 [NoxX] is online!

   Prompto smiled. It was true that the hype for this game had long since died down. As far as Prompto knew, NoxX was the only one of his friends who still played it. But that was alright. It was still fun, and it was something they could do together in lieu of actual dates. And seeing NoxX’s avatar still made him grin like an idiot. After all, it was probably as close to seeing NoxX’s actual self as Prompto would ever get.

> **xXchocobaby83:** heyy!!
> 
> **NoxX:** :]

   He ought to wipe this dopey smile off his face. He did not.

> **NoxX:** up for a game?
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** no actually i just thought id sit here idling for 3 hours that’s why i logged on
> 
> **NoxX:** shut upp
> 
> **xXchocobaby83:** ԅ( ˘ω˘ԅ)

   Things were… he was loath to admit it lest it all _immediately_ fell apart, but things were going well. Prompto couldn’t remember when else he’d been as happy as he was with Nox.

   And he _was_ happy. He was really, really happy. Happy enough, maybe, that he could shield himself from the niggling doubts at the back of his mind.

   His personal Voice of Reason had long since up and left, packed its bags from the moment Prompto (see: Not A Girl) had become Nox’s ‘girlfriend’. It had waltzed out the door with a dramatic “Don’t call me!” and Prompto hadn’t heard from any sort of Logical Decision-Making Facility since.

   It was kind of nice. He might die, of course, but he’d been having so much fun in these few years that he barely cared anymore.

   But. You know. ‘Barely’ wasn’t quite the same as ‘not at all’, just like ‘Prompto Argentum’ wasn’t quite the same as ‘Nox’s girlfriend’, and ‘sensible’ wasn’t quite the same as ‘any of Prompto’s decisions that he had ever made ever’. And there was one teeny-tiny-probably-very-significant suspicion that was beginning to rise to the surface of Prompto’s mind, like oil in water, but slightly less flammable (slightly).

   There was a slight. And very probable. Possibility. That he might know Nox in real life probably a little bit maybe.

   A very slight possibility, almost definitely, that Nox might actually perhaps go to his school and was probably even in one of his actual classes.

   A very definite possibility that Prompto kind of wanted to punch himself in the face.

   Of course, it could just be baseless paranoia. Right? Nevermind the little facts and figures that had cropped up in conversation that seemed to line up perfectly – they were the same age, in the same city, but of course that could apply to anyone – they’d had a history class at the same time, Prompto had discovered, and everyone in Prompto’s year at Prompto’s school had history on the same line, but of course that didn’t mean anything – Nox had mentioned the little hidden storage room by the library which contained nothing but empty jars and, inexplicably, three faded clown wigs – the four broken chairs on the left side of the cafeteria – the water fountain that made a horrible shrieking sound whenever you filled your drinkbottle – but again, all of that could be just about any school in the –

   Determined as he had been to stay where he was, his Voice of Reason had apparently returned temporarily to drag him bodily from his home state of Denial. This was it. Prompto was going to have to move schools. And possibly cities. Heck, why stop there? He’d heard that Mars was nice this time of year –

> **NoxX:** so do u wanna play or not??

   – _right_ after this mission, because like an _idiot_ , Prompto still couldn’t say no to those damned pixels.

 

* * *

 

   The final, crushing proof came several days later.

   Prompto liked to think he was a good student. He took good notes. He revised for his exams weeks in advance. He paid attention in class.

   Except that today he was not paying attention in class, because it was exceptionally hot, and he had a headache, and his patience with his lab partner was wearing thin, and if he heard them say “Chemistry is so fucking _gay_ ” one more time, he might _scream_.

   Prompto let his chin drop to his chest, closing his eyes against the throbbing pain in his head. Class was nearly over – he’d survive – he just needed something to get him through the last twenty or so minutes, and he’d be home free.

   Groaning in defeat, he pulled out his phone. Today’s lesson was lost on him, anyway.

 

**perfect PROMposal** [online]

[3:41PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** im boredd

[3:42PM] **perfect PROMposal:** aren’t u in class??

[3:42PM] **perfect PROMposal:** u never msg me first in class what happened 2 Perfect Student Prom

[3:42PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** shut up i have the worst headache

[3:43PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** if u love me ull kill me righ now

[3:42PM] **perfect PROMposal:** :[

[3:42PM] **perfect PROMposal:** i hope u feel better soon? i love u

[3:42PM] **perfect PROMposal:** not gonna kill u tho

[3:43PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** betrayal by the one who CLAIMS 2 love me

[3:43PM] **perfect PROMposal:** u have to live

[3:44PM] **perfect PROMposal:** what would i do without u

[3:44PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** go on without me nox…………… find someone new…………………………

[4:44PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** (×□×；)

[3:45PM] **perfect PROMposal:** noooo

[3:45PM] **perfect PROMposal:** NOOOOOO

 

   “Mr. Lucis Caelum,” snapped a voice, and Prompto’s head popped up from his phone in time to see the teacher rapping her knuckles on a bench across the room. The offending student – a boy with choppy black hair whom Prompto vaguely recognised as the prince – sank down in his seat and hastily shoved his phone into his pocket.

   “Sorry,” he said in a low voice, “won’t happen again.”

   “It had better not,” the teacher said in a clipped voice. “Rules are rules, Mr. Lucis Caelum! I will not have cell phones used in my classroom.”

   The prince had been clumsy, reflected Prompto. There was not a student in this classroom (save, _usually_ , for himself) who didn’t use their phone from time to time – it was all a matter of knowing how not to get caught. Perhaps stealth-texting wasn’t a skill taught in Royalty School.

   Prompto waited a few minutes before returning to his own phone, carefully arranging a line of beakers to hide it from sight. He went to tap out an apology for his absence – but there hadn’t been another message from Nox, either. Odd.

 

[3:53PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** sorry i vanisihed, u still there?

[3:54PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** ? u ok?

[3:54PM] **perfect PROMposal:** u got me in trouble :[

 

   Prompto frowned. Weird coincidence.

   Right?

 

[3:55PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** r u gonna think twice abt texting in class now

 

   This was stupid. It was just a coincidence, after all. There was nothing to be read into.

   Still, Prompto couldn’t help but peek up at Prince Noctis as he pressed ‘Send’. _Surely_ there was no way…

   He watched as Prince Noctis shifted, his hand going for his pocket, and he glanced furtively around to map the teacher’s location before he pulled out his phone again.

   A moment later, Prompto’s phone buzzed.

 

[3:56PM] **perfect PROMposal:** ill risk it to talk 2 u but ur being mean :[

 

   Prompto made a mental note to contact the school contractors, because there was no way floors were supposed to drop out from under you the way it was doing right now. He made another mental note to contact his own GP, because he was pretty sure hearts and stomachs were not meant to be in mouths, but it certainly _felt_ like that was where they had set up shop.

 

[3:57PM] **perfect PROMposal:** u there? prom im not really mad come back

[3:57PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** sorry sorry i just wanna catch the last few minutes

[3:57PM] **nox nox who’s there a loser:** don’t get in trouble for me again  <3

[3:58PM] **perfect PROMposal:** _nerd_ ill ttyl  <3

 

   Fingers shaking, Prompto shoved his phone back into his pocket. Across the room, he watched Prince Noctis do the same.

   _Prince. Prince_ Noctis. _Prince_ – he was going to be sick.

   He was _catfishing Prince Noctis._ He was going to get thrown in _liar’s jail_. No – no, that wasn’t right, he was going to get thrown in _real jail_ , because _Prince Noctis_ was a _prince_ , and princes were _royalty_ , and this was probably almost definitely some kind of – of felony, or blasphemy, or some other horrid legal word that ended in –y and oh _god_ they probably had a _dungeon_ and Prompto was going to be _thrown in a dungeon_ _and executed for accidentally being Prince Noctis’ online girlfriend for three years_.

   Absurdly, some vague part of his mind wondered if they had WiFi in dungeons, or maybe in the afterlife, so that he could keep talking to Nox.

   Except that Nox wasn’t going to want anything to do with him after this whole business because _Nox was Prince Noctis_ and Prompto couldn’t remember how to breathe.

   The bell rang, and Prompto jumped so violently that he almost toppled off his chair. Dodging his classmates’ anxious inquiries about whether or not he was alright ( _spoiler alert, he was not_ ), he shoved his things into his backpack and hightailed it the _heck_ out of the school.

   Arriving at home, Prompto headed straight for his bedroom, shoved his face beneath his pillow, and screamed.

 

* * *

 

   The next day, bless Prompto’s _amazing_ luck, they had Chemistry again. And – _bless Prompto’s phenomenal luck_ – his partner from yesterday was away, and so was Prince Noctis’, and the teacher had the wonderful idea of _pairing them with each other_.

   It was like something out of a bad fanfiction, Prompto reflected sullenly, as he slipped onto the stool opposite Prince Noctis. He wondered vaguely who the author of his life was and exactly what their intentions were with all this. To make him suffer as much as possible? Were they some kind of sadist? Maybe they needed to get a life.

   Or maybe they could end _his_. Right now. Prompto prayed vaguely to an unseen, typing entity. Just make the Bunsen burner malfunction and set his hair on fire, or maybe he could mistake a beaker of hydrochloric acid for his drinkbottle, or, hey, you could never go wrong with a freak lightning strike –

   “Hey,” said Prince Noctis, offering him an unenthusiastic smile. “I’m Noctis.”

   “Yes,” squeaked Prompto.

   Noctis waited. Prompto waited to _die._

   “What’s _your_ name?” Noctis asked, after a long and uncomfortable silence, and Prompto started and kicked himself. _Now you look like even more of a freak!_

   “Pr-Prompto,” he stammered, sticking out his hand and knocking over an empty flask. “Pleased to – to meet you. Your Highness.”

   Noctis righted the flask and gingerly took Prompto’s hand. “Just Noctis is fine,” he said, and his voice was slightly resigned.

   Prompto felt a twinge of something like pity, which was absurd. Someone like him, pitying the _prince?_

   Still… Nox had never given him the impression that he was anything other than a normal guy. And – well – maybe he’d needed a break from being himself too.

   If anything, Prompto could understand _that_. He straightened in his seat. “Right,” he said cheerfully. “Let’s get to work then, Noct!”

   Noctis jolted at that, and he stared at Prompto with wide eyes. For a moment, Prompto envisioned buff bodyguards busting through the ceiling and throwing him in the dungeon before anybody even found out what he’d actually done to _deserve it_ – but then Noctis grinned and nodded, and for the first time, the reality of what was happening punched Prompto in the face. Not the ‘catfishing a royal and probably facing dire legal consequences and impending doom’ reality – that had already beaten him up several times behind a Dumpster – but the ‘this is the guy you’ve been dating for three years and you’re finally seeing his face for the first time’ reality.

   Which was rather a preferable reality, reflected Prompto’s dazed mind. Very preferable, in fact. Because Noct’s real face was kind of – nice. And his smile was kind of beautiful.

   Prompto mentally slapped himself in the face.

   As the lesson progressed, Prompto thanked his lucky stars that Noct wasn’t an idiot and was carrying his own weight in the experiment – mostly because _Prompto_ was an actual idiot who was forcing Noct to carry _his_ weight too, because he was too dazed to focus on – on – whatever it was they were doing today.

   He was _not_ , however, thanking his lucky stars for Noct himself. Because sure, Noct was turning out to be a total sweetheart with a gorgeous smile who laughed too much at all the dumb things Prompto was spouting in his nervousness, and _sure_ it was more than he’d ever heard Prince Noctis laugh in all the time they’d been in the same class, and _SURE_ Noct was looking at him with big, happy eyes that made him feel like he was the most interesting person in the world, and –

   Prompto could not remember where he was going with this, but he was sure he had a point to make somewhere and that point was _not_ how handsome and wonderful Noct was, even though that was definitely also a good and true point.

   “Hey, are you okay?” asked Noct, and Prompto almost knocked over the flask again as he jumped.

   “Y-yeah, why?” _Smooth moves, Argentum! Stuttering gets all the guys hot, you’re really on fire today, maybe you’ll impress him so much he’ll DROP THE CRIMINAL CHARGES –_

   “You seem nervous,” said Noct, and Prompto wanted to melt into the floor. “I mean, you’re a pretty good student, right? But you seem kind of distracted today. Everything alright?”

   Noct – _Prince Noctis_ – actually looked _concerned_ for _his actual wellbeing_ , and this was _officially too much_ for Prompto Argentum. “Yeah,” he said, “yeah, sorry, I –” _Say something! ANYTHING! But not something dumb, so anything other than something dumb_ – “Um, I just remembered I have to, um…” _Get out of here!_ “I have to, water, my –” _Houseplant! Cactus! Home-grown lettuce garden!_ “Dog. Bye.”

   And he bolted.

   It occurred to him only _after_ he’d run all the way home that he had not only just _ditched a class_ , but that he’d ditched _Prince Noctis_ ( _your_ _boyfriend_ , his brain supplied helpfully, and he slapped it in the cerebral cortex) in the _middle_ of that class to finish the experiment by himself.

   _New Record!_ _Ruined x9999999 things at once!_

   Prompto stuck his face under his pillow again and screamed until the sound drowned out his brain’s running commentary on _Prompto’s Life Failures: Greatest Hits_.

 

* * *

 

   It took five hours for Prompto to work up the courage to message Noctis. Because he had to, right? He couldn’t just leave the guy to finish their _group project_ alone and not even apologise. This was the _least_ of the things Prompto owed him an apology for.

   Sighing, he booted up his computer to find the class page on the school network – only to find that there was already a message.

            **Noctis LUCIS CAELUM:** Hey Prompto. You ran off kind of suddenly in class today.

   Prompto resisted the urge to locate the Scream Pillow™ again.

            **Noctis LUCIS CAELUM:** It didn’t seem like you so I just wanted to check that you’re okay? I took notes if you need to borrow them.

   …There was a lot to take in here.

   Noctis was not angry that Prompto had abandoned him to finish the work alone. Noctis was offering to lend Prompto his notes. Noctis paid attention to what Prompto normally did and did not do. Noctis had taken the time to send Prompto a message asking after him. Noctis was _worried about Prompto_.

   To avoid dying, Prompto ignored all of this and elected instead to focus on grammar.

   This seemed like a safer option, thought Prompto, desperately filling his mind with thoughts of commas and apostrophes instead of literally _anything else_.

   It was a lot better than the grammar Nox usually used, Prompto noticed. Maybe he was nervous about messaging a classmate he didn’t know very well.

   This was backfiring. Grammar wasn’t supposed to be _adorable._

   Prompto was in the middle of dying when another message came through.

            **Noctis LUCIS CAELUM:** PS say hi to your dog for me :]

   Prompto collapsed backwards onto his bed, covered his face with the Scream Pillow™, and groaned. “ _He’s so cuuuuuute._ ”

 

* * *

 

**sasuke is really cool** [online]

[2:37AM] **sasuke** **is really cool** **:** theres a guy in my class who reminds me of u

[2:38AM] **sakura** **the beautiful:** oh yeah?? u gonna leave me for him?

[2:38AM] **sakura the beautiful:** </3

[2:38AM] **sasuke is really cool:** never

[2:38AM] **sasuke is really cool:** just got me thinking

[2:38AM] **sasuke is really cool:** i wish we could meet irl

[2:45AM] **sasuke is really cool:** prom?

[2:46AM] **sakura the beautiful:** im here sorryy

[2:46AM] **sakura the beautiful:** awwh

[2:47AM] **sakura the beautiful:** thatd be pretty great haha

[2:48AM] **sasuke is really cool:** yeah

[2:48AM] **sasuke is really cool:** oh wow its getting late

[2:48AM] **sasuke is really cool:** we should probably sleep huh

[2:48AM] **sakura the beautiful:** mmm probably

[2:49AM] **sakura the beautiful:** good night

[2:49AM] **sakura the beautiful:** <3

[2:50AM] **sasuke is really cool:** night prom, love you

 

* * *

 

_The Present (and there isn’t a freakin’ gift receipt)_

 

   “…and then he knocked me on my ass again.”

   Prompto laughed. “Wow,” he said, “this Gladio guy sounds kinda rough, huh?”

   Noct grimaced. “You can say that again,” he said, and hoisted his backpack a little higher on his shoulders as they sauntered through the school corridors together. “He’s alright, really. Just a little intense.” He winced. “Likes mornings too much.” Prompto laughed again.

   “Man,” he mused, and stretched his arms over his head. “Sure sounds wild, being a prince.”

   Noct shrugged. “I guess,” he said. “So what’re you doing this afternoon?”

   Prompto noted the subject change, but didn’t comment. “I dunno,” he lied. “I guess homework? What about you?”

   “I…” Noct bit his lip. “Um, I’m meeting someone,” he said, voice suddenly a little shy. “Soon, actually.”

   “Ooh,” teased Prompto, “like a date?” _Yeah, Casablanca, like a date! With YOU! Because you ruined everything, remember?!_ _Just like you_ always _ruin everything, REMEMBER?! …Okay, keep it cool, Argentum._

   Noct actually blushed. “I guess,” he muttered, looking away.

   “Well, hey, want me to take off?” asked Prompto, silently evaluating how weird it would be to walk off only to circle back around in five minutes and reintroduce himself. “You know, give you two some time alone?” _Like we’re having right now? Huh, BABE?! No, keep it cool, keepitcoolkeepitohgodohg–_

   Noct just smiled. “Nah, it’s okay,” he said. “I’m, uh. I’m kind of nervous, honestly, do you… Do you wanna maybe keep me company? Til we get to the place?”

   Prompto didn’t know if this was better or worse. “Sure!”

   It had been a couple of weeks since the incident in Chemistry now, and much to Prompto’s surprise, the two of them had actually become friends in real life. It was… nice. Prompto had always retreated to his games, to his online personas, as a way to – to escape himself, he’d always said. To take a break from himself, right?

   Lately, he was starting to wonder if that still held true.

   Sure, he’d changed his name, his face… but in some strange way, _not_ being himself had made him feel more like himself than he’d ever felt in his own skin. Had somehow given him the freedom to be who he was, who he _wanted_ , without fearing how people saw him – because it wasn’t _him_ they saw, so why should he care?

   Being with Noct… It kinda felt like _that_.

   He’d only known Noct – truly – for three weeks. And he was royalty, while Prompto was a common pleb. And Prompto knew he couldn’t let himself feel at ease around the guy – not when he’d been trapped in Prompto’s own web of lies. Not when Prompto suspected that he might just have been Noct’s first actual friend in the same way Noct was his, and especially not knowing that he was about to rip that all away with one crushing revelation – namely, the revelation that Prompto _freaking sucked_.

   But he couldn’t help it. Seeing Noct light up at the sight of him was like ripping some sort of mask from his face, like the first real breath of fresh air after spending years underwater. A freedom to be himself, even without the shield of his avatar.

   Prompto loved it.

   Too bad he was about to tear it apart. His phone buzzed: _4:30PM – Meet No(x)ct and try not to DIE_. (He’d set another reminder for 4:40PM – _Plan funeral._ )

   Noct glanced at his watch. “She should be here around now,” he said, and he sounded nervous.

   Prompto let out an equally nervous laugh. “I’m sure she’ll be here,” he said in a high-pitched voice.

   Noct nodded. “Yeah,” he said, smiling. “And in the meantime, I’m glad I’ve got you.”

   Prompto laughed again, but it came out as another high-pitched giggle. “Yeah,” he squeaked. “Me too.” _Moogle how to get your heart to stop pounding like a mofo?!_

   “Seriously,” said Noct. “I – I don’t wanna be weird, I mean, I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, but…” He rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle. “I think you’re really cool. I’m glad we started talking, Prompto.”

   Prompto swallowed.

   “Me too,” he said again. _Oh, come on! Say something more interesting than THAT!_ “Also, I’m xXchocobaby83. Um, nice to meet you.”

   _GAMER TIP! Not THAT kind of interesting! Shithead! Idiot! Oh my GOD, you can’t just SAY THINGS LIKE THAT –_

   Noct blinked.

   Prompto tried to figure out if he could make a run for it before the Crownsguard appeared out of the ether and killed him on the spot.

   “Wow,” said Noct.

   “I know!” Prompto burst out. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I told you I didn’t look like my avatar but _wow_ , I know you weren’t expecting this and I don’t even know why I did it but I just – I just – I _really liked you_ and I didn’t mean to _lie_ I just, I mean, I’m not, uh, I’m not a girl like I don’t – you know, I don’t feel like I’m a girl but I just kind of liked playing as one and oh no that sounds weird I promise it isn’t some weird sex thing or anything _I’m sorry I said sex oh god I said it again_ and I didn’t do it on purpose to lie to you or anything but then we met and you said you liked me and I liked you too and I was gonna tell you but then I just couldn’t and then we were together and it was just, it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I didn’t want to ruin it and admit I was lying but then you wanted to meet and and I know you hate me now and I’m so sorry and I know there’s no excuse –”

   “You’re even cuter in person,” interrupted Noct, and a wide grin spread across his face as Prompto went beet-red and stuttered like there was no tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

**Noct**

_heyy_

_hey :]_

_Ahh_

_Um sorry to bother you I just wanted to ask something_

_Sure what’s up?_

_{{ ( >_<) }}_

_Thanks for giving me your number_

_I just wanted to know_

_How come you still want me around_

_Even though I’m not who I said I was_

_? how are you not who you said you were_

_Dude_

_I don’t look anything like my avatar_

_Like I’m literally nothing like her_

_I don’t have magic healing staves_

_or emo hair_

_wellll_

_Hey shut up about my hair_

_Idc what you look like_

_That’s not why i like you_

_??_

_i mean dude did u think i was crushing on ur avatar_

_Shes like three pixels_

_I already knew you didn’t look like her_

_nobody looks like their avatar_

_i saw someone with three legs and a horn the other day_

_its not meant to be realistic_

_yeah but like_

_Dude im not a GIRL_

_i don’t care??_

_ur not an 80 year old man from Idaho_ _that’s good enough for me_

_what would u do if i was_

_Wait a year til im legal ;]_

_DUDE_

_D U D E GROSS_

_IM KIDDING_

_probably_

_;]_

_I’m breaking up with you_

_After Everything weve been through prom_

_im heartbroken_

_(╥_ _﹏_ _╥)_

_Shaddup_

_I’m sorry_

_You’re overthinking this_

_idc abt ur avatar_

_i just like you_

_i like the way you talk_

_you make me laugh_

_and you make me feel happy and like_

_i can be myself idk_

_and everything_

_just you_

_I_

_dude_

_Dude you cant just say things like that_

_youre going to mak me blush????_

_Good_

_Now that i get to see your face i can see how cute that is in person_

_oh my god fack off_

_are you blushing rn_

_FUCK YOU_

_maybe later_

_NOCT_

_:]_

_it’s nice to see my actual name_

_haha_

_(*´_ _▽_ _`*)_

_it’s nice to use it_

_hey_

_yea??_

_love you prompto_

_(⁄ ⁄ >⁄ A _ _⁄_ _< ⁄ ⁄)_

_SHUT UP_

_OH MY GOD_

_:]_

_ur the worst_

_i love u too_

_noct_

**Author's Note:**

>  **ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: this fic isn’t a _holy shit gender reveal plot twist!!_ story.** i’m sure everyone else is bored of those too. this is Not That. i’m hoping noct’s indifference to prompto’s revelation makes this clear, but i do want to clarify just in case. prompto freaking out about not being a girl isn't specifically about his gender, it's about the concept of the lie, because he's really paranoid about it. it's tied more closely to his panic that he hasn’t been honest about his identity, and the fear that he’s not only lying to someone he cares about, but that that person happens to be royalty. (he’s also worried that noct isn’t into guys, but the lying thing takes precedence because Prompto Cares About People’s Feelings and also has a tendency to feel very guilty for things.)  
>  noct, on the other hand, gives minus-two shits because game avatars aren’t meant to be representative of Real Life so he doesn't even see it as catfishing, he likes prompto for his personality, and also he’s like _super_ bi, my dudes. (at least in my headcanon). :]
> 
> a few more things:  
> •i know you can’t leave private chats in skype, but you know what let me have my fun  
> •i also know there’s no idaho in lucis, but You Know What, let me have my fun,  
> •"chocobaby" was taken and prompto likes 83 because it looks like a face and xX because he was 13 years old  
> •the foot fetish conversation happens offscreen, but here's the backstory: noct teases prompto by calling him "cinderella" because his name is "prom" _haha geddit because it's like a ball_ , they start talking about the shoe thing and how weird it is, prompto suggests that maybe cinderella has a foot fetish, noct says "but _you're_ cinderella", noct teases him for 10 minutes about having a foot fetish, the situation devolves from there, they're both just disasters  
>  •you know what i have explanations and backstories for quite a few of these DNs just ask me. in fact have too much hidden lore on this fic. it's all in annotations on the original document. i could make an 'author's commentary'. just. ask me. anything you like. i'll write you an essay
> 
> this is a real dumb fic. dont take it seriously. i just love writing about idiots and i was on the plane for like, a really long time. hope you enjoy!! x
> 
> [tumblr](https://yuriopirozhki.tumblr.com)   
>  [twitter](https://twitter.com/gIadio_amicitia)


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